Who Is She?

(Asking for myself.)

I’m starving, but nothing sounds good unless it’s eaten in silence and prepared by someone else.

I want to wear a sequin miniskirt and a Chan Luu crystal toe ring, but I have nowhere to go except preschool drop-off and the occasional Trader Joe’s run.

I want a meaningful career… but without the meetings, deadlines, or small talk.
I want to work… just not like that.
I want a peaceful, slow life and the Amazon delivery man to show up at my door every day.

I once felt too self-conscious to walk around in a bikini until I was six months pregnant.
Then? Never felt hotter.

I don’t know what that makes me.
I’m in between everything, including shopping carts I’ll never check out of.
But I’m getting more comfortable being a walking contradiction.
I think.

I’m Sarah. I’m Saz.
I’m Mum. I’m Mommy. I’m busy. I’m bored.
As if I needed another thing to do but writing feels good right now.
Even when my eyes are tired, my hair is greasy, and the coffee’s gone.

Monty is my man. My best friend. My only friend. My cook. My better half.
We never have a plan.

We moved to a farm on a whim.
Fixed up our cabin, once with no running water.
Chopped wood. Built decks.

We spent weeks in Bali. Two babies, one scooter, no plan.
It was magic.

We road-tripped in a campervan up the east coast of Australia, chasing sun, sleep, and beaches with shade.
We stopped at the Bundaberg Rum Distillery and did a full tasting. Babies in carriers, rum in hand.

Now we’re in the U.S.
It’s loud. It’s fast. Family is here but our minds still seem to wander.
Monty can apply for citizenship next year but we’re not sure it’s the right move.
Some days we want roots. Other days we want out.

Right now we live in our little love shack upstairs by the beach, with unlimited sand at the doorstep.
Is it bad that I miss grass?
Like, a nice park with a bench and an ocean view. Some shade. Somewhere to just be.

Who are we? Honestly, I have no idea.
But we are so fun. And so in love.

What’s next? I’m still curious.
Not because I want to escape but because I want more.
More space. More stillness. More spice.

And YOLO, right?
Actually though.

So we dream.
Even when we’re standing still.